Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Why Old Women Hold Dolls

Women's arms are made to hold things. They hold dirty laundry and then clean laundry. They hold wiggling dogs. They hold clean dishes to put away. They hold fresh picked peas. They hold a Bible. They hold trash out of the backseat of the car. They hold shoes left outside. They hold everyone's coats on a turned out to be a hot day. They hold half drank bottles of soda.
They hold a heavy bookbag. They hold grocery bags. They hold a Thanksgiving turkey. They hold a crying friend. And sometimes they hold yourself as you rock to the rythmn of an internal sorrow.

But the absolute best thing that a woman's arms can hold is her child. A skinned knee, broken hearted , made the team, leaving home child. Nothing can take the place of the warmth that comes from your child......the wet spot on your shoulder from drool or tears. Nothing can fit in your arms or your heart like your child. And when they are not there, or not into the holding scene.......a vast emptiness overtakes the body and soul. The arms hold an empty space.

So old women hold baby dolls. They fit in your arms like a child. They smell more like rubber than lotion or after shave, and don't get your clothes wet, but at least your arms have something to wrap around. And your mind can wander and remember the holding days.

Gotta go........Going to Walmart to get a Baby doll.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I lost an old friend this last week. I knew she was going. You could tell by looking at her, and it was also down in black and white that she did not have long. The week before she went I found myself dreaming about her. About visits we had, and what she had given me during the years. I told my husband that I could not believe that I was so over the edge about her departure that I would actually dream about her.

She passed this last Sunday. I still find myself thinking about going by and seeing her. Just can't imagine what I will do without her. She was so convenient for me. Walmart is across town.

K Mart closed. What a Comfort Friend she was.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Life for Dummies

I woke up this AM (Thank God) thinking about when my boys were younger. And cried. I would really like a second chance. Not that they turned out bad. In fact, for being on the autoraised pilot they all have done quite well. I do not believe in reincarnation. But I certainly would appreciate a chance to come back as a young mother again.......with the same children of course. Values would be different. More memories would be made. Getting old sucks. Can't we live life over? Why is an important thing such as living only a once in a lifetime deal? We can take the SATs, ACTs over and over. We can repeat classes that we fail. We can redo a driver's test. We can even get a divorce and remarry. So why can we not relive? This is the one thing that can really count......and it is a one time shot. If you do not get it right the first time, you are screwed. Don't you think something this important should have second chances?