Leaving On a Green Bus

"God shall supply all your needs"

These words are painted in large white letters on a weathered fence board somewhere in East Texas.

I am ashamed to admit to my first reaction upon catching sight of these words. (Even more mortified to know it isn't an unusual response for me.) Unbidden, the thoughts had flashed through my mind "Oh Great! This is a GOD WARNING. Something is going to happen and I will need to trust God to get through it....what will it be??? a flat tire? engine trouble? a wreck? The more I pondered the bigger the potential problems grew.

Then God did a mental thump. I suddenly knew what my needs were. I am guilty of focusing on those things that can be seen and touched. Needs, however, are not limited to monetary purchases or physical achievements. Needs encompass the whole person. They are not only physical, but emtional, mental, and even spiritual. At that moment God scraped off the pheripheral and focused my attention on needs I had not allowed myself to acknowledge.

Earlier that morning at Fort Hood my husband and I had dropped our son off near a long line of Army buses. He was being sent back to Iraq for the second time. I had never experienced a 'drop off ' before. Father's were kissing babies good-bye, while other childern were holding tightly to Daddy's leg. Wives--some pregnant--were looking into husband's eyes, making them promise to come home safely. Some of the tearful were like us--mothers and fathers. Parents with memories of a small child, now all grown up and wearing a uniform.

As I readily admit, I do not favor finding myself in situations I can not control. This would qualify as one of those times. Because of this I chose to take all of my fear, anger, anxiety and bury them under the guise of self control and assurance. I tried to convince myself that what I could refuse to acknowledge, would not exist. Inwardly, however, the pain was crippling. When you awaken at 2 am, the thoughts you are able to banish during the daytime creep into your consciousness. I would lie in bed and squeeze my eyes tightly shut as hot tears would drip off my nose. The thoughts of losing a son was a hot pain in my heart.

God knew that I could not last 15 months in denial. I was in need of emotional sustanence and mental uplifting. I needed a sipritual reminder of Who was in charge. The world I tried to control was a quagmire surrounding the Rock I was kneeling upon. My sanity was dependant upon my Firm Foundation. In a brief moment, God guided me from the unknown to the known. From the pheripheral to the core. From the alpha to the omega. And He was there for the complete journey. He WAS the journey.

"God shall supply all your needs"

My needs were emotional, mental, and spiritual. I needed courage, comfort, and counsel. God opened my eyes to my needs, and then supplied those needs.

Gensis 8:1 says "And God remembered Noah..." Well, that morning in East Texas God remembered Delores.

Thank you, Jesus.



PS This son returned home Wednesday January 9th. Why my son returned and some mothers's sons did not, I can't answer. I don't even know if there is one.