ASHAMED

I have been thinking a lot about God and Christians these last few weeks. My thoughts were prompted by what the Episcopalian minister put in the newspaper the week of Easter. He said Christians ought to spend more time building bridges of reconciliation instead of walls of separation around them.

That comment of course led me to reflect on my own situation (as if I don't 24/7). My support in this time has come from my "non Christian" friends.....by that I mean the ones that I have a work relationship with, those that I do not "discuss" God with. All the friends that I have that proclaim that they love God and are good Christains have left me standing alone. Even the minister that pastored the church we were attending at the time of my husband's "revelation", who told me that he would still consider himself my pastor, has not contacted me after that fateful visit with my husband. He knows where I work....I have worked here 22 years. He has visited with me at my job. I wonder why I have not gotten a word of support from him? Other "christians" have been quick to throw down my husband, but have not called to check on me or to give me an encouraging word. Sad.

So I have to first ask if I have been guilty of the same.....and I probably have. God forgive me. Then I am ashamed of myself for needing or wanting the support of others. Should I not be able to stand as a Christian on my own two feet?

I am ashamed of myself and I am ashamed of those that call themselves Christians. My husband, the out of the closet athetist, says that religion does nothing but "mess" people up. How can I prove him wrong? His best ammunition is coming from the Christian community. And I feel like I am the one that is getting shot, with no protection, day after day after day afterdayafterdayafterday.